Knights of Cydonia FC
Division 5:21, Ultimate League
Manager: TheAPERSON
The true story of youth academy products

Some are calling it "the greatest scandal in Xpert history". Others are seeing it as a necessity for clubs to survive. This is what's been happening, several youth academies across all Xpert Eleven Football Clubs are hiring moneymen to run their academies. Rather than being interested in prospects for the future, they are simply there to milk every penny out of their assets.

Several young players sign for their childhood clubs, aspiring to be the next big star for their club. They are trained as much as possible until they meet the high standard of the academy; with the agents presenting themselves as God's right hand man, willing to be their guardian angel as they progress through the ranks with the intention of having a long career at the club. These players, plying their trade as unsuspecting children/teenagers, spend several seasons in the care of the agents and believing they are on their way to stardom.

Xpert reporters have been following one prospect at Knights of Cydonia Football Club, John Petrucci. Joining the club at the tender age of 13 during the club's very first season, Season 27, he found himself forming a defensive partnership with the more experienced Aquiles Santamaria, 15, in the youth team. Santamaria had been attracting glowing reviews from academy managers and after he was promoted to the first team it gave Petrucci hope that he would soon follow. After all, he was a towering prescence in defence and was perfectly capable of leading the defence by himself.

However, Petrucci soon found his training standard reduced as the club were apparently trying to "save money", only for the standard to shoot back up again the following season. Petrucci developed a strong partnership in the KoC youth team with goalkeeper Arthur Pendragon; then following Pendragon's promotion, with Ant Connolly instead. Both Connolly and Petrucci turned 17 this season and Connolly was rewarded for his ablities with a promotion to the senior team.

That promotion of Connolly made Petrucci realise he was almost ready to make the big step. He'd matured somewhat, he wasn't that niave anymore but he still had a lot of faith in the youth academy managers. So on 5th January 2014, we followed Petrucci for the day in what turned out to be a massive day in his career.

Academy Manager: OK guys, I want you all to start working on your regular exercises. The key to success in football is to always keep in shape. That said, I want John to come aside here for a moment as he will play no further role in the training today.

John: Why's that?

Academy Manager: You'll see


*Manager pulls John to one side*

Academy Manager: I have been extremely impressed with you during your years at the club, I think you have what it takes to be a top defender so I've recommended you to our manager, Aperson, he'll see what he makes of you and it appears you could be promoted to the senior team.

John: YES! I've been waiting my WHOLE life for this moment, thank you.  *Collapses on manager*

Academy Manager: (whispering) He has no idea what's coming.


Manager's Office:

Aperson: Agent Smith, what is it?

Academy Manager Smith: I have good news, we have discovered an exciting new youth talent in our own academy. I know you're particularly willing to train youth players into first teamers and, with the recent departure of Roddick, I feel Petrucci is exactly who you need; so I've given him promotion to the first team.

Aperson: We already have three very good defenders on the books in Pim van der Kruis, Aquiles Santamaria and Emil Silke. I think its too soon for another one because the others are already in great shape and on their way to being stars. We can't train Petrucci and be finanically healthy, he'll have to go.

Agent Smith: Aye aye sir!


KoC Training Pitch:

Matt Bellamy: On behalf of the manager I'd like to introduce you all to your new teammate, John Petrucci

Aquiles Santamaria: John, you made the grade, I'm so happy for you.

Ant Connolly: Same as Aquiles, delighted. We always knew you had the talent to make it and it seems as if we're going to be playing together for a long time to come.

Matt Bellamy: There is a slight issue with this though. As chairman it is my responsibility to keep this club financially healthy and sometimes I have to use force with our manager to put any player attachments behind him for the good of the club. You have seen me sell Marius Klein, Kanji Aratani and Rufus Roddick and the club is better off for it too. So now I must continue to put the well being of this club first and say that Petrucci will be transfer listed?

John Petrucci: WHAT? BUT I ONLY GOT PROMOTED TODAY! THAT IS JUST SCANDALOUS!

Pim van der Kruis: Man, you're not the first one. FC Guitarista did the exact same thing when promoting me from their youth academy. I was the same as you but I don't regret leaving them now.

Emil Silke: Same story with me and Happy Penguins.

Raymond Hargreaves: Same.

Celso Mota: Same.


It appears the Petrucci case is not exclusive and begs the question, are there any morals left in football? Or has money taken over?

2014-01-07 14:33 1383 Views Reporter: TonyBrazil

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