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| A cruel twist of fate |
Two giant Matchstick Men walk around the pitch, soaking up their fans’ appreciation on a farewell lap of honour. Wolfgang Keppler and Donny Skog have been instrumental in progressing the Matchsticks from the fourth to the second division, but now it’s all over.
The Matchstick Men have been relegated to division three, and both players are being sold after this pre-season friendly. The original friendly had to be cancelled as the opposition were given an early cup round tie and by a cruel twist of fate the only alternative at short notice was the team that sent the Matchsticks down, Kung Fu Hustle.
Donny Skog’s female fan club, known as the Skog Heads, were distraught as their hero was on his way to Bolivia. But as the first half of the friendly saw 20-year-old Klaus Nihlgard score four goals the girls transferred their affections. Donny Skog was forgotten as the Skog Heads became overnight Nihlists.
“Four goals,” sneers manager Tony Brazil, “a few of those last season would have kept us up. Still we now have to adjust to life in the lower leagues.”
A clatter of helicopters signals the departure of Skog and Keppler as the belt is tightened; then comes the clatter of a fax machine – less noisy but much more important. Brazil reads the fax and falls to the floor unconscious.
By a cruel twist of fate Matchstick Men have been given a reprieve, they have been placed in next season’s division 2c. When Brazil recovers he ponders the massive amount of cash received for selling his two stars, and spends it all on one player.
“Bring him in, lets have a look at him” wavers Brazil as the new guy arrives. 22-year-old, blond and slim Volkel Taks stumbles in to the manager’s office, looking good whilst balancing a football on his head. By a cruel twist of fate things have turned out well for the Matchstick Men.
“When the girls see Taks,” whistles Brazil, “Nihilism will be a short-lived craze. Skoggsy is dead, long live the…um…Taksi?”
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