|
|
 |
| One plus one equals boos and booze |
They said don’t give Wanda Rinn a lift home after the match because she interferes with you in the car,” manager Tony Brazil sweats, “so I gave her a lift and all she did was moan on about her feet. But that’s another story and everyone wants to know about this week. It started with a league game…that reminds me of another league game, did I tell you the story of when I punched Dick Tator on the nose?”
A brick flies through the window scattering the press, and cries of ‘Brazil Out’ can be heard from the protesting mob outside the Estadio Lucifer. Tony Brazil surveys the scene through the broken glass, “the programme-seller huts are ablaze and I fear Mr Flame’s ‘sizzling sausage’ stand is next to the torch. Why is this happening you ask? I remember a time…”
“Get on with it!” The cry goes out from a brave member of the press pack, as the ink-stained hacks huddle under the furniture, another voice pipes up, “and no more anecdotes!”
“The Matchstick Men’s season has collapsed this week for one reason,” admits Tony Brazil, “and I use the word ‘one’ because that reason is the team One United. In a league match and a cup game One United have had a whale of a time at our expense, beating us both times, meaning our season is only going in one direction from here – down!
“It’s rare to face a team from your own division in the early rounds of the cup, even rarer to face them three days after facing them in the league. But it happened, and first we lost a close game here at Lucifer then they took us to pieces in the Xpert Arena in the fourth round of the cup. We scored first in the cup,” Brazil braves a smile, “then sat back. Mistake; One had 13 goal attempts after that, scoring from four of them. Dear oh dear.”
The smell of sizzling sausages and burning petrol interrupts Brazil’s train of thought, “Goodbye Mr Flame. And unfortunately, with no more cup games and plunged into a relegation battle, it’s also goodbye to some of our youngsters; up to five players may need to be released as there’s no game-time left to develop them.”
Brazil rends his shirt, goes to the broken window and wallows in the ferocious rioting developing around the stadium. He is met with a chorus of boos, and then hit full in the face with an un-opened bottle of Dom Perignon. “Booze!” laughs Brazil smashing open the champagne and lashing it down his throat, “bring it on.”
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|