Linn Park Amateurs arrived at the Sink in good spirits and form after scoring 10 goals, with a single reply to play UU Accies in a match that could go a long way to deciding the league title. Yes, even this early in the campaign. Other teams, like FC Catalunya Central, may have been hoping for a draw in this one, but it was the visitors that took the points to maintain their 100% start to the season. But not without some controversy.
Two early yellows set the tone as Seymour Red dished out first half yellows to LPA’s Brambo Schot (4 minutes) and Eliot Salako (23’) and the Accies’ Bogdan Zabelin (42’). By the time Zabelin had received his card the Accies were in front thanks to a classic Dragan Andic goal. It was a straightforward header from a corner: Svein Hilstad sent the ball into the mix and the big defender rose highest among a ruck of players to power his header down and into the net.
Overall the match was finely balanced between these two teams over both halves, with very little to separate them. Despite the first half cards it wasn’t a bad tempered affair. Both teams settled well, the midfields battled incessantly, the defences were immense, and they had to be as the front men, on both sides, were giving defenders a torrid time with their runs and movement on and off the ball. It was a fast-paced and entertaining fixture; you hardly knew where to look and chances were flying at both ends. It was exciting and tense, the fans were loud, especially the Oooks and both managers were up and down, like jack-in-the-boxes, encouraging their players to give more. It was a terrific advert for Division 6:31 football.
Then, in the 72nd minute, it all exploded!
Calle Brask earned a deserved straight red for “doing” Accies frontman Gabriel Vasquez, deliberately so it seemed. Vasquez was KElliott’s third substitution and had only been on the pitch 11 minutes when Brask Jackie-Chaned his ass. There was a nano-second pause as everyone took in what had happened. Then, KElliott was up in a flash and racing towards the incident, purple-faced and spitting profanities faster than an uzi. His pace was incredible and he covered the 50-odd yards in under 5 seconds! Usain Bolt would have been proud and not bad for a wee, fat, baldy Buddha-like dude. He was only prevented from getting at the LPA assassin by big Andic who had to lift him bodily, still ranting, and return him to the bench where his AM held him down and the captain retuned to the field, the calmest man on the pitch.
To say the Accies boss was livid was an understatement, he was absolutely raging at Brask who tried to paint a picture of innocence, South-American style. Other players wanted to get involved and there was a lot of pushing and shoving while the medics treated the prone Vasquez. But Red, aided by his linesman managed to getthings sorted out quickly to diffuse the situation and sent Brask to the changing room while warning other players to calm down. Lumbo and his backroom boys also tried to join the fray but were stopped by the standside official and a ring of stewards and security personnel.
After Vasquez was carried off the match resumed with additional fervour. The Accies should have had a man advantage but both teams played out the final 18 minutes with 10 men and it was the visitors who adapted best. The Accies were obviously rocked and never really recovered. Andic tried his best to marshal the team but Manuel Rui Costa and Bernardo Moratón scored late goals in the 79th and 86th minutes, respectively, to gift LPA the points. Some might argue the points were stolen but with 10 men each they were there for the taking for the team that reacted best to difficult circumstances and, on this occasion, it was LPA. At the end though, the managers did shake hands but the stewards were organised to keep the Oooks at bay as the LPA players left the field. Something else that might go into the match official report.
KElliott was still up for his normal, if colourful, post-match interview which has been heavily edited for the sake of our more sensitive readers and social morality:
“As a footballing spectacle it was probably good to watch,” he began. “Both teams were on song and going at each other with some excellent football being played. Lovely touches, and all that. I thought we were shading it and playing to our game-plan we would have won it.
“But that @!*%$* bawbag Brask spat the dummy when Vasquez nutmegged him and went @!*%$* tonto! There’s no @!*%$* place for that @!*%$* behaviour in football.
“Okay, so he’s not known as a @!*%$* dirty player but he gets a @!*%$* one game @!*%$* ban and my player is out for nearly 3 @!*%$* weeks! Where’s the @!*%$* justice? @!*%$* me, why is there not a @!*%$* panel to increase his @!*%$* punishment? There @!*%$* well should be!”
After which the assistant manager, John "Sloth" Matuszak and club captain Andic removed KElliot from the press suite.
Happy days are back at the Sink.