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CL Istanbul 05
Division 3e, Ultimate League
Manager: Plaristocrates

Blueprint

The CL Istanbul 05 media department has been advising team manager Plaristocrates on how to write a successful press release:

"Following a brief preamble to set the scene, you should quote yourself in the third person in concise declarative sentences devoid of metaphors or flowery adjectives. Try if you can to emulate the tone of a professional sport reporter, who is writing about you in a dry, official style that is readily comprehensible to people of all different ages and backgrounds.

Something like this should suffice:

"C L Istanbul 05 moved into the play-off spots with a closely fought 2-1 victory over Breezly 46 on Monday.

The win leaves them 5 points above the drop zone but with 4 of their last 5 fixtures away from the Atatürk, they won't feel safe just yet.

"We'll take each game as it comes and see where we end up", Istanbul manager Plaristocrates explained after the match.

Next week they host Wednesday FC who will be eager to secure points in their fight for survival."

Using each sentence as a separate paragraph adds a veneer of authentic journalistic gravitas that may help to compensate for a lack of any stylised language, factual analysis or irony. Remember that whilst it can be rewarding to entertain yourself and your audience, getting something of eligible length published before the deadline is your paramount concern. Bills don't pay themselves after all, and once your work is complete you can go back to perfecting your magnum opus in your free time.

That's it! Now just sit back and wait for the kudos to roll in."

2016-06-08 01:00	787 Views		Reporter: TonyBrazil

Chance?

Not all chances are the same

2 more to go

Trophies R Us say Propps, but is one a match too far?

Oops I did it again

A combination of two Britney-inspired pressers as TonyBrazil says Gimme More while Jaes manager Hernas cries Baby One More Time

Made it to the top of x11

Empty pockets but full of pride

Will I see out my X11 dream?

The final whistle is near, but can the team find glory in extra time?

2024-03-04 00:46	Amazing, amusing, and oh Mozen!
2023-02-06 15:52	Back at the Xpert Arena so soon?
2022-05-24 12:21	When boys become Matchstick Men
2020-06-08 17:14	Super sub's superb salute
2020-04-05 10:27	Arena anger
2020-03-30 09:41	Gago goes from zero to hero
2020-02-04 21:20	Bribe, Blubb Blubb and bruise blunders
2019-12-15 16:12	More bottle, more fizz and more manic
2019-11-21 20:09	Mourinho's Matchstick Men?
2019-10-17 15:37	Titanic clash opens the season
2019-10-09 09:22	You've never heard of the Ghost Dogs?
2019-09-07 10:24	Weekend Beach Party fail
2019-08-04 19:17	Panic in the streets of Matchstick
2019-06-13 19:31	Ramshackle ruin rejoicing
2018-12-08 14:14	Youth Academy scandal uncovered
2017-12-11 07:47	He's coming home (no he isn't)
2017-11-09 07:49	A momentous occasion
2017-10-07 10:11	Team of the Month
2017-05-04 09:07	Out of the relegation battle - for now
2017-03-29 23:51	No bullseye for Duarte
2016-12-27 16:29	The 12 goals of Christmas
2016-11-17 20:35	Tears, beers and souvenirs
2016-09-28 10:20	Brazil offered England post?
2016-09-17 18:24	Sleepwalking to unhappiness
2016-02-09 16:50	Players pay penalty for poor performance